Are You Making Problems Bigger or Smaller?

Be mindful before giving unsolicited feedback, especially, when you're dying to tell people they were wrong AND you have the key to make it right...

WHAT'S AT STAKE

People might perceive you as someone who makes problems bigger (instead of smaller).

TO AVOID

If you really want to add confusion, judgment, and stress on top of the original problem, thus making it bigger, then double down on the righteous mindset (otherwise, please don't!).

Avoid: A righteous mindset 🚫

"I know that I'm right (and they're not). I need to tell them what went wrong, what they should have done instead, and what they need to do now. They need to listen to what I have to say, to follow my advice. Otherwise, similar problems will arise in the future".

TO PRACTICE

If you want to be perceived as someone who makes things easier, then practice this approach.

Adopt: A different by default mindset 💎

"My opinion is not better or worse, it's just different. If they are open, I could offer them how I see things, hear what they have to say, and come up together with new approaches. They are free to follow my advice or not. After all, they are responsible for addressing the problem. I am free to change my original point of view, or not, as I learn more about the problem from different voices."

Is this better, worse, or just different?

HOW TO APPLY IT

Before the conversation

• Remember, points of view are not better nor worse, they're different!
• Offer to provide feedback. If they're open to it, they'll let you know.
• Prepare yourself with these 3 questions^[1]:
  • What are 2 topics you might discuss?
  • What is 1 thing you hope to say?
  • What's 1 question you will ask?

During the conversation

• Let them know you trust their judgement.
• Let them know they are free to accept or refuse your suggestions.
• Share your point of view (avoid labels or generalisations).
• Ask how they see things.
• Listen with your all senses (your 6th sense included).
• Brainstorm possibilities together.
• Let them decide what to do next.
• Ask if there's anything you can do to help.

After the conversation

• How was your performance?
  • Did you talk or listen the most? (Aim for the latter).
  • Did you state things as right vs wrong, or did you adopt a different by default mindset? (Aim for the latter).
  • Did you add or reduce anxiety, stress, and discomfort^[2]? (Aim for the latter).
  • Reflect on things you can do to refine your skills as a people-grower.

Be the people-grower you want to see in the world!

👋 Dear reader, when was the last time you had the opportunity to make a problem smaller, rather than bigger? What did you learn in the process? Feel free to hit reply to drop me a line.

Thanks for reading!